When you think about your past relationships, (or your current relationship if you’re frustrated with the quality of your intimacy), do you find yourself ruminating on what your partner should do, or should’ve done differently? If only they’d been ________, or if only they would’ve done ______, then it would’ve “worked out.”
Perhaps there’s even been a pattern of behavior that’s shown up across multiple relationships, which has led you to believe that men in general are flawed in this way, or women are deficient in that way, and that’s why you can’t find a satisfactory partner. Why couldn’t he just do this one simple thing? Why couldn’t she show up the way you wanted?
Well, I have bad news and good news.
The bad news is, it’s not about “them” and what they’re doing or not doing. It’s about you.
That’s also the good news, because it means that you are creating your own reality, and you have the power to create a different reality. But how?
You’ve probably heard the old adage: “Keep doing what you’re doing and you’ll keep getting what you got.” And you might say, well, what can I do differently? I’m loving, and thoughtful, and generous…that should be enough to be loved!
It is…except it’s not about what you’re doing, it’s about who you’re being, and the power of your beliefs that inform who you’re being, creating a reality that confirms those beliefs.
“Keep being who you are being, and you’ll keep experiencing what you experienced.”
Who are you being?
Are you still being the victim of old wounds from past abandonments and betrayals? Do you have trust issues?
Somebody else can’t fix that for you. Even if they try! In more than one relationship I tried to be the white knight to heal my partner’s deeply held abandonment story, but she just kept raising the stakes of her misery until it was unbearable and I was forced to leave her. My love didn’t fix her, and ultimately I had to let go of the belief that my love could “fix” a woman. More importantly, before I could stop attracting women that I needed to save, I needed to accept my arrogance that was underneath that belief, and the even greater challenge of letting that arrogance go.
Who are you being when it comes to love? What is the quality of your inner dialog? Do those inner voices tell you that you can’t be trusted when it comes to picking partners, or you need to lose weight before you’re lovable? Do you experience feelings of hopelessness, fear, and frustration when it comes to your relationship with yourself?
Of course we all experience bouts of hopelessness, fear, and frustration in life. But usually we project those feelings onto something that’s not right “out there” as the reasons for those feelings, and if only we had that thing or that person, we’d be happy.
But when you accept the responsibility of creating your own reality, take responsibility for who you’re being, take responsibility for cultivating new thoughts and beliefs that create your reality, then you attract different people with different behaviors to create different relationships.
Keep doing what you’re doing, and you’ll keep getting what you’ve got.
And when you register for my Intimacy Makeover program you create the intention to get what you haven’t gotten.
Attract the kinds of relationships you truly desire! Hit reply and we’ll set up a 15 minute call to see if this program is right for you.
The 90-Day Intimacy Makeover for women begins May 7th,so contact me today! Email firstname.lastname@example.org or call (831) 588 0840